"I just can't decide."
Decision-making feels like a nerve-wracking sh*t storm, and I'm over it.
I used to hate making decisions. Any of them. All of them.
I hated the feeling that when I chose one thing, I was denying the possibility of many others things.
I hated the finality that making a decision represented.
“Okay, now I have to lock into this choice. But what if it was the wrong choice? What if I’ll regret it? What if the other options were better for me? What ifffff?”
It was so annoying and sometimes heart-wrenching to make a decision that eliminated other possibilities. My Sagittarius soul felt like its wings had been clipped with every decision made. Or rather, my hooves. You get it…
But as I progressed throughout life, I began to understand the weight and responsibilities surrounding decision-making—and more specifically—making decisions for yourself.
I wish I could tell you it was in my teen years where I discovered this, but it was well into my 20s when I fully grasped that I am allowed to make decisions that just make sense to me.
I don’t need a co-sign from anyone unless I want it.
Unbelievable, I know. But it’s true. I swear.
Now, just because I learned that does not mean it came naturally to me to practice. It felt scary and truly unsafe to make decisions with myself and my needs as the primary focus.
I felt like a bad friend, bad daughter, bad partner, bad person. Because who was I without taking care of everyone else? Who was I if not the ‘nice’, ‘kind’, ‘would give you the shirt off my back’ type of woman?
Well, I was probably a bitch then.
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During my earlier years, there was no middle ground between an excruciating people-pleaser and a hell-on-wheels bitch. It was either/or.
But maturity taught me the beauty of a spectrum, and that we all find ourselves floating between the polarities every day. That it’s not either/or, but both/and.
I actually think that subscribing to a both/and perspective ultimately helped me transform my decision-making process from something that felt draining and depressing, to something that felt intentional—and dare I say—empowering.
Less decision-making and more decision-trusting
One of my greatest friends said something so impactful when I was asking her a few questions about her decision-making process. I was doing some research for my self-trust coaching practice, and her insights—like the many others—were imperative for helping me see more of the hiccups we fall into during the decision-making journey.
She shared that decision-making felt difficult for her because she couldn’t trust that she would make decisions from an authentic place. She had a history of making decisions that actually didn’t feel good to her, or were more aspirational than realistic, and it left her feeling defeated after those choices.
Mostly because she then had to deal with the consequences of making those unaligned decisions, which often resulted in overworking, under-resting, shrinking herself, or abandoning her needs altogether.
And this rang so true for me, but also for the research I’d been compiling on the connection between decision-making and self-trust. Having her perspective cracked a new piece open for me.
Understanding more clearly that if we don’t have a strong sense of trust in ourselves, we will be less likely to trust the decisions we make or why we make them.
And the more we choose paths or actions that don’t actually align with how we feel and what we want, the more we chip away at that trust in ourselves.
Cause why would you trust someone or something that doesn’t respond to you? Or flat out ignores you?
Exactly.
Inauthenticity is the antithesis of self-trust
I’ll be clear:
You cannot build self-trust on inauthenticity.
And let me be even more specific:
You cannot make decisions that feel good if you can’t trust yourself to do so.
If you’ve had a long history of disregarding your needs, choosing the hard option over the more easeful one, carrying resentment for every opportunity you say no to, decision-making is bound to be difficult.
However, the encouraging news is that this doesn’t have to continue.
When I say decision-making can actually feel good, I mean it. And I know it, because I’m living it—finally.
Need a place to start?
Babe, I gotcha.
First: stop lying to yourself. Easier said than done, but the number uno thing you must practice if you want to be as swift as a ninja with your decisions is to be brutally honest with yourself. Truly. Sincerely.
Second: ask yourself the real questions. Yes, the questions that feel icky. Yes, the questions that feel too bold or too deep. Yeah, all of those.
Third (and most importantly): you listen. Yep, you listen to what your heart is saying, what your gut is gurgling, what your body is expressing. You make space and actually welcome your intuition to the table.
It’s quite a simple formula, but we get stuck spending more time in the decision-making process, asking friends in group chats, or worrying what Mom will think, rather than spending time exploring what we feel and want.
But that’s how we move from making decisions to trusting in our decisions. We graduate from outsourcing our power and choices to others, to confidently taking our future into our own hands.
We begin to enjoy the process of looking at all our opportunities and gracefully finding the one that feels the best, and in turn, leave the spiraling analysis paralysis shit behind.
But again, it takes practice. It takes time and repetition of being brutally honest with yourself, asking yourself the important questions, listening to those answers and reflections, and then choosing a solution with clarity, confidence, and trust.
Lucky for you, I’m slightly obsessed with injecting healing + strategy into any life process that feels like poo, and the same goes for decision-making. So I made a little something that should get you started on the right foot when it comes to trusting yourself and the choices you make.
Free Resource: Decision Trusting Map
Introducing: The Decision Trusting Map.
Think of it as your pocket-sized decision clarity coach and map to the decision that your body is craving.
It’ll guide you in moving from “Ugh, what if I get it wrong?” to “Hell yeah, I trust myself” in minutes — whether you’re making life-changing moves or just picking a Friday night plan.
Because I like fun, I structured it like one of those choose-your-own-adventure flow charts, and injected it with thoughtful, reflective questions that lead you through the process of intentionally making a choice that feels good.
It’s flexible enough to help with the big decisions—like changing jobs or moving homes—to the smaller decisions—like what’s for dinner and whether you will accept that party invite or not.
And hopefully, by the end of the process, you’ve not only made a choice that feels right, but you’ve also invested a little more into the beautiful self-trust piggy bank of yours. Because when you make aligned, authentic decisions, that shit pays dividends.
I promise.
Need support?
I’ll be honest, it’s much easier to see a positive path for others than it is for yourself. Sometimes you need someone removed from the situation to show you the blind spots and hidden opportunities.
And sometimes you need that help from someone well-versed in Psychology, human development, and self-trust building. And if so, damn you are a lucky charm, because that grade-A supporter can be me!
If you’ve gone through the map and are still finding yourself on the fence, I’m here to help things become clearer.
I’ve opened up spaces for Decision Clarity Calls, because I know how helpful it can be to have the ear of someone who will prompt the right questions and hold you to that high standard you deserve.
Because truthfully, you already have the answers.
I just help you trust them.
Whether we meet on the other side of a call or remain pen pals through these museletters, I hope you know that you are worth trusting.
And that I love you lots. Truly. Sincerely.🫶🏾
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